The Butler Exchange Program
by Alitote
Summary: A TV show gets ahold of the Kuroshitsuji universe and switches the Butlers while encouraging the Masters to torment thier butlers to nth degree! Lets see what happens!
1. Preshow

**Hello and Good day!  
>This is a complete crack fic (am i using that right? hmm) and it's my first (my last two were alot more serious :p). I was just sitting at my computer reading other funny fics about Kuroshitsuji and this just popped up out of absolutely no where!<br>****So please be nice, enjoy, and laugh when appropriate.**

Ciel Phantomhive sat at his large desk, reading through reports of the underground and his Funtom company when Sebastian opened the door, carting in a tray of cakes and tea for his master.

"Lemon filling and Earl Grey as requested." Sebastian said placing the treats before Ciel. Then bowing and turning to take the cart out of the room when-

_POOF!_

Alois Trancy and Claude Faustus were standing in a blank gray room before them!

"Sebastian!" Ciel cried.

"Yes, young master!" Sebastian flew through the air, throwing silver knives out at Claude! Aiming straight for inbetween his eyes.

But the silverware hit an invisible wall and clanged to the floor.

Sebastian jumped into the air again, throwing his foot out ready to knock the other demon's block off.

But instead he got the shock of an eternity **(i can't very well say lifetime now can i?) **as bolts of electricity shot through him!

"Arrgghh!" Sebastian saw spots as he reached out for some sort of handhold before crumpling to the floor.

"Sebastian!"

"Your butler's so weak!" Alois huffed, "This is gonna suck!"

"...What?" Ciel asked, looking up from his butler for a moment.

"This stupid Bu-"

"THE BUTLER EXCHANGE PROGRAM!" A high and somewhat irratating voice sang from no where.

Then a door hidden in the wall opened and a man in a flashy purple suit and bright green sequin bow tie jumped through, followed by two men holding giant black camera's and headsets connected to gray flashing boxes on their belts. **(Didn't expect that did you now? =^-^=)**

Ciel stared at the newcomers like they were crazy.

"The what?"

"You heard me little man." The purple suit smiled, patting Ciel's hair. Ciel swatted at the hand but it moved before he could connect with it.

"Get up man, we roll in three seconds." Purple suit kicked at the unconcious Sebastian's leg until the poor demon groaned.

"Bob!" one of the camera men hissed.

"Hello! And welcome to this weeks edition of 'The Butler Exchange Program!' I'm your host: Sean Swanky!" A flashy sign popped out of the wall behind him, with lightbulbs flashing in time with their own beat.

"This week we take two young Earls Alois Trancy and Ciel Phantomhive and switch their butlers!" There was a puff of purple glitter smoke and Claude ended up behind Ciel and Sebastian stood upright behind Alois. Claude leaned in menacingly towards Ciel and Sebastian leaned away from a suddenly clingy Alois!

"Wait a minute!" Sebastian cried, a thought popping into his head, "Claude will just try to steal Ciel's soul! My master and I cant possibly be apart of this!"

"No, you can and you will be." Sean Swanky demanded, the plastic smile never slipping off his face. He snapped his fingers and then a lawyer popped up in a puff of gray smoke. He adjusted his glasses and opened a large binder.

The Lawyer cleared his throat and read: "In order to keep Black Butler the same after Sean Swanky is done with it, no souls are to be stolen, given away, or transferred to another demon. Doing so will terminate the demon."

Both Sebastian and Claude raised their eyebrows, "And how exactly will you do that?" Claude asked.

The lawyer opened his mouth to explain, but another puff of gray smoke made him disapear.

"That doesn't matter, all that does is that you know the number one rule."

"There are more?" Ciel sighed.

"Of course!" Sean smiled enthusiastically.

Sebastian cleared his throat, "Uh, what even is the point of this... thing?"

"Oh you don't know? Haven't you ever watched the show?" Sean asked.

"No."

"Well, the point is to see wich butler can survive the others master the longest. We basically take what you do in your boring, drab, everyday lives and put it on television while encouraging your masters to make your lives even more of a hell while we all laugh at you!"

"Wait a minute... so you want _him_ and I to survive a regular day on steroids?" Claude asked.

"I'm all for it! It'll be fun to see how far you'll go Sebby." Alois sneered. Sebastian took a step back.

"Yes. This might be interesting. And if Claude is forced to take a break from trying to break my current contract then I might be able to think something up." Ciel smiled.

"Great we're all in agreement!" Sean clapped his hands together and everyone disapeared in a puff of purple or blue or gold smoke.


	2. Episode 1: Claude

**Episode 1: Ciel and Claude!**

A puff of blue smoke and Ciel landed in his chair and Claude tripped over the cart Sebastian had left behind. Sean Swanky walked through the door with a camera man two steps behind him.

Sean fixed his hair and dramatically spun to face the camera.

"Good evening my lovely audience!" He smiled, "This season features the butlers of the Phantomhive and Trancy families! Which butler will be the first to crack under the pressure of their new master?" Sean motioned towards a Claude dusting himself off and a Ciel who was already bored and going over many different reports.

Claude looked unsure towards the camera then marched to Ciel's side.

Ciel already had his tea and cakes before him, so Claude just bowed and said, "Will their be anything else your highness?"

Ciel screwed up his face in thought, taping the corner of a page to his lips.

"Yes," he smiled, a wicked grin sliding over his face, " Stop calling me 'highness'. Im not that flamboyant idiot. Go sweep out the cellar, beat the rugs from the main hall, check on the others and make sure they're doing their jobs right, so that probably means your gonna do their jobs for them, and prepare my evening supper since we all know Bard will just blow everything up. Oh and then check the grounds for any trespassers and deal with them accordingly. Then report here for my supper. You have three hours, GO!"

"What?" Claude cried but sped out of the room anyway with Sean and the camera man close behind.

"Finally," Ciel sighed leaning back in his chair, "Peace and quiet!"

* * *

><p>Claude pushed the cart down the hall in a blaze, looking for a hall closet or something to put it in.<p>

So of course he didn't notice Meyrin step in his path until he'd collided with her.

"Ahh!" she screamed.

"Watch where your going!" Claude cried, picking the cart up and breezing down the hallway.

"Sebastian!" Meyrin called, waving her fist in the air.

"Hmm..." she muttered, "Did he look different?"

"Yes. Yes he did!" Sean barked as they ran past, knocking the poor maid down again.

* * *

><p>Claude had finished alot of his chores in record time and was working on Ciel's dinner, steak and potatoes, when Bard slammed into the kitchen, nearly taking out Sean and the camera man.<p>

"Ahh! Watch where your going you flaming-"

"One more word and I blast your-"

"SEBASTIAN!" Mey-rin and Finny came running through the dorr, smacking both Bard and Sean into the wall.

"Don't record that!" Sean choked out from under Bard's elbow.

Snickering, the camera man turned back to Claude.

"SEBASTIA-!" Mey-rin stopped when she got a close up look at Claude's face.

"Your not Sebastian!" Finny cried, hiding behind Mey-rin anyway.

"No. I'm not that idiotic, clingy, self-starving demon!" Claude gripped, turning back to his dinner prepartations.

"Demon?" Finny whispered.

"Must be a Butler insult." Mey-rin shrugged.

"And these two are clueless as ever!" Sean announced heartliy infront of the camera, his hair and suit noticably out of place.

"Hey! I'm not done with you!" Bard shouted, weilding his rifle like a club at Sean who ducked just in time.

The cameraman sighed, "This always happens." He shook his head and returned to the important action.

"Hey I'm important!" Sean shouted, then got hit by Bard's rifle and went down hard.

"So, what happened to Sebastian?" Finny asked.

Claude sighed, these guys were annoying.

Then something popped into his mind.

"Did you finish your chores?" He asked.

All three of the servants froze in place, a sweat drop sliding down their heads.

_WHAM!_ Sean got in a lucky shot.

"HAHA! Once again, Sean Swanky is triumphant! Let the world applaude me as I-"

"ENOUGH! You!" He pointed his knife towards Finny, "What's your job?"

"Gardner." Finny squeaked, "And I came in here to tell Sebastian Pluto set fire to the trees outlining the grounds again!"

_"DID YOU PUT IT OUT?_"Claude screamed.

"Yes." Finny said shrinking, "But not before he got to Master's favorite flowers."

"So why are you telling me?"

"Well," Finny swayed back and forth, "Sebastian usually helps fix these kinds of problems."

"So he babysits as well?" Claude deadpanned.

* * *

><p>The trees were scorched and the leaves turned to ash.<p>

Basically, the trees were ruined...

Claude sighed and rubbed his temples. What to do?

"Uggh... You, Blondie!" Both Finny and Bard pointed at themselves.

"The idiotic one who did this!"

Finny smiled, then snapped out of it when he registered the insult.

"Go somewhere else away from the trees!" Finny deflated, trudging off slowly.

"And you!" He pointed at Bard, "Go finsih the master's dinner!" Bard's eyes lit up with excitment as he blazed back to the kitchen.

"And you," Claude said softly, "What was your problem?"

"Ah, I dropped another tea set." Mey-rin squeaked.

Claude sighed. Great.

"Go clean it up!"

Mey-rin nodded and ran off to the house.

Claude then turned to the ruined trees. He ran to the shed and grabbed a long rope, then tied it to one tree and slung it through the rest of the ruined trees. Then he flipped up into the trees, landing on a branch. He started in on a tap dancing number, clicking his feet in time with the beat in his head. At the last second he began to fall back, and he grabbed a branch of his tree, taking the whole tree with it.

And since it was tied to all the other ruined trees, they were all torn down too.

"Ooh!" Sean oozed, "Smart! I wonder if Sebastian will be just as cunning!"

"I severely doubt it." Claude sneered into the camera.

* * *

><p>Finny ran back to the edge of the forest, stopping in time before colliding with a downed tree.<p>

"Woah!" he cried, "How'd this happen then?"

"I did what any butler would do." Claude stated, cleaning his glasses.

"Take care of this mess will you? Can you atleast manage that for me?" He snapped.

Finny went stiff, then stiffely saluted, "Yes sir!"

"We'll see." Claude trudged back to the house.

"CLAUDE!" Ciel called from the top of the stairs. He was carrying a silver tray.

On it was blackened bits of charcoal.

"What is this?"

"The remians you'd find in a fire place?"

Ciel slapped him, "No you idiot! It's my dinner! What did I say about letting Bard near it?"

Claude sighed, letting his whole torso slump over. "Sorry your highness."

Ciel slapped him again, "Don't call me that."

* * *

><p>Claude had to make an entirely new dinner.<p>

He gripped and grumbled through the whole ordeal, planning the best way to do away with the idiot cook when he was free of the brat upstairs.

when he'd completed it, he carried it upstairs and placed it before the earl.

He bowed, "Anything else your highness?"

Ciel through the stack of papers on his desk at Claude, "Stop calling me that!"

"Yes your highness!" Wham! came the next stack of papers!

"Now pick them up and put them back in the correct stacks."

"Yes your highness." Ciel waited until one stack was returned to its proper place before throwing it at him again.

Claude paused, grinding his teeth.

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

Claude began picking papers up again.

"Very good. I'm getting tired. Time for bed."

* * *

><p>Ciel was easy to put to sleep. And best of all Claude could leave right after Ciel pulled the covers over himself. He didn't have to sit and babysit the child like he did Alois.<p>

Claude creaked the door closed, then sighed. Was there anything he'd skipped over today? Could he go to bed and enjoy a luxury called sleep?

Yes. He decided, he could.

As he was walking down the servants quarters of the mansion, he saw a small shriveled form sitting against the wall holding a green cup.

"Oh. Oh. Oh." it said.

"Uh...?"

"Oh. Oh. Oh."

"Is that all you can say?"

"Oh. Oh. Oh."

"I'll take that as a yes then."

"Oh. Oh. O-"

"I get it!" Claude stomped down the hall. Maybe now he could finally go to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>(Else where... ok, at the Trancy manor infront of a large box television with red horns on top near the antennaes and a red pointed tale coing out the back)<strong>

Sebastian sat on the large purple couch inbetween Hanna and Alois. Hanna kept scooting away, closer to Thompson who kept scooting closer to Canterbury. Sebastian scooted closer to her because Alois kept trying to get closer to_ him. _So by the end of "The Butler Exchange Program"'s episode, all three were crushing Canterbury while Alois sat with most of the couch to himself.

Timeber sat on the floor. Not wanting to sit next Alois. Sebastian was just about to come join him.

"Ha ha ha!" Sebastian laughed when Ciel hit Claude for the third time, "I was so hoping my master would do something like that!"

WHAM! Alois hit Sebastian over the head with a stick.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"I'm your master now Sebby!" Alois choked, tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh boy." Sebastian sighed.

**And so ends the first episode! next episode:**

**"Alois, what is that your holding?" Sebastian asked nervously.**

**"Oh this?" Alois smiled holding it up on the silver hanger higher for his Sebby to see, "It's your new uniform!"**

**"Ack!" Sebastian fosilized, then ran down the hall, only to be dragged back by the other servants and followed by our camera crew.**

**"Noooooooooo!" Came the shout from behind the closed door.**


	3. Episode 2: Sebastian

**Alright chapter 3 and im still going! haha :)  
>Well, as you may have guessed, its Sebastians turn to be tormented!<strong>

**Sebastian: *Blanch* Really now, must we?**

**Me: Yes**

* * *

><p>Sebastian walked silently into Alois' room, pushing a cart with the master's breakfast on it, following him was Sean Swanky, dressed in a silver sequin suit, and the other cameraman. He deposited the cart beside the bed and walked over to the window.<p>

Alois groaned as Sebastian tied the curtains back, flooding light into his face.

"What time is it?" He yawned.

"Time for you to get up." Sebastian stated simply, walking back over to the cart and picking up the breakfast tray. He placed it before Alois and took a step back.

"Today you have meetings with-"

"No one!" Alois cried, throwing an egg in Sebastians face.

"Err..." Sebastin hurried to wipe it up.

"I wanna spend the day giving you orders Sebby!" Alois giggled. Sebastian gagged inwardly.

"Very well... what would you have me do today?"

Alois tapped his finger to his lips, "First, you'll help Hanna pick all the flowers. Then you'll arrange my favorites in my room like Claude did."

"Ahh-"

"Then you'll tend to the dinner preperations before you bring the stationary samples for the ball next week, then youll serve lunch and be back to cleaning the entire mansion!" Alois cried, throwing his arms up.

Sebastian just stared...

"Ooh, the silent treatment!" Sean grinned from a corner of the room."

"No." was all Sebastian said before turning around and leaving the room. Where was the garden again.

Sean and the cameraman ran out after him, leaving Alois to eat breakfast alone.

"Hmmph, that wasn't any fun." He griped.

* * *

><p>Sebastian sighed and wiped the perspiration off his neck. He and Hanna had been working in the garden, throwing tons of flowers into baskets, for an hour now.<p>

Normally, this would have only taken a few minutes.

Normally, he'd be at home and there wouldn't be many flowers anyway.

And normally, he wouldn't have Alois _or_ Sean Swanky breathing down his neck!

"Ooh your sweaty!" Alois crooned.

"And your slowing down!" Sean sang

Hanna giggled. Poor Sebastian.

Alois dragged a finger down Sebastian's exposed neck.

"Those clothes are whats giving you problems Sebby. When your done come to my room. I hhave something that might help." Then Alois skipped off, taking a bluebell with him and pinning it in his hair and laughing the whole way.

Sebbastian shuddered. Hanna cringed. Had Alois been through her stuff again?

* * *

><p>Sebastian pushed the giant cartload of bluebells towards Alois Trancy's room.<p>

"Urrgh!" Climbing up an incline was not easy. Especially today.

Sebastian in no way wanted to be doing this anyway.

Finally, he reached the large door and pushed it open.

"Here are the flowers you requested young mas-ter?" Alois Trancy held something small on a silver hanger at the other end of the room.

"hi there Sebby!"

"Young master, what is that your holding?" Sebastian asked nervously.

"Oh this?" Alois smiled holding it up on the silver hanger higher for his Sebby to see, "It's your new uniform!"

"Ack!" Sebastian fosilized, then ran down the hall, only to be dragged back by the other servants and followed by our camera crew.

"Noooooooooo!" Came the shout as they dragged him inside the room!

* * *

><p>Two hours later, after much struggling, fighting, and epic demon battling... not to mention dressing and grooming while being held down when he lost...<p>

Sebastian Michaelis emerged from the head of the Trancy family's room wearing...

A french maid outfit. A short skirt that reached mid-thigh and tiny bodice that wrapped tightly across his chest, accompanied by a tiny lace apron and a plate shaped maid cap with a red bow attached on his head. He wore black high heeled shoes and a black garter **(I actually own a french maid costume ((do not ask!...)) and apparantly they include those things... hahaha im sorry Sebastian!)** hung low on his leg.

To make matters worse his hair was brushed back, red lip stick was applied, and he'd had touches of rouge and eye shadow applied.

All in all... he looked... okay, he looked like Sebastian as a maid... there was no other way to describe it.

Sebastian was red in the face, a sweat drop running down the side of his head.

"Go away!" He screamed when the camera caught sight of him.

He ran down the hall and jumped off the stairs, landing on the first floor below.

"Get back here Sebby! I wanna get pictures!" Alois screamed from afar.

"Ack!" Sebastian started running tp the kitchen. He slammed open the door to the basement and closed it again. Then he hid inside the empty cupboard he'd found while making breakfast.

What he didn't know was that Sean and his cameraman had been filming that and so of course it was the first place they looked.

"Found him!" Sean sang out the door. Alois gave a jubilant cry of laughter and the pounding of feet could be heard.

Sebastian squeaked and started working frantically to get out. Maybe if he hid in the basement he could sneak out later.

He was almost out when he felt a tug on the apron.

"Oh no!" It was tangeled up on a nail! Sebastian started pulling desperatly but it wouldn't budge, he couldn't even rip the strings!

"What the hell is this stuff made of?" Sebastian hissed.

"Whatever you want it to be Sebby!" Alois hung his arms around sebastians neck.

"Ack!" Sebastian tried to climb back inside the cupboard, but Hanna and Thompson grabbed him by the arms while Canterbury worked the apron free. Then they dragged him to the middle where Alois had him pose for the cameras. Alois and Hanna snapped furiously, while the cameraman zoomed in and out as he looked him up and down.

"Leg higher Sebby!" Alois shouted.

"Put more attitude in it!" Sean cried.

"Throw the shoulder out!"

"Look high and mighty! Like you wanna ask 'em out but you want them to ask you first!"

"Pucker more!"

"Open your eyes!"

"Straighten up!"

"Stop edging toward the door!"

"Work those heels!"

"Come back here! That's an order!" Alois screamed. Sebastian, halfway to the door, stopped running, instead tripping over himself and hitting the wall by the door.

"Ow." He pealed his face off and limped back into the kitchen. He stood before Alois and straightened up.

"Good boy!" Alois giggled. "Now, back to work!"

* * *

><p>Dinner cooked, flowers hanging in Alois's room, stationary delivered to Alois in his study, and lunch served to the whole house.<p>

Sebastian stood in the great hall sweeping. His heels clicking with every step.

"The heels I can live with." He mumbled, "But the dress is too airy."

"Reeaallly?" Sean hung his arm on Sebastian all of a sudden. The cameraman stood a few steps a way, taking another when he saw the murderous look on Sebastian's face.

"Yes." Sebastian hissed. Then he threw the annoying TV host off and kept sweeping.

"Your no fun _Sebby_." Sean taunted.

FWISH! The broom handle was next to Sean's neck. The man swallowed.

"And you are annoying Swanky." Sebastian's eyes turned bright red, sparkling in the dark. Then they turned back to auburn as Sebastian looked like he was concentrating on the man before him. "Swanky... hey weren't you the host of "Curry Contest"? The one were people threw hot burning curry at eachother while trying to cook curry? And if they won or lost they'd get dunked _in curry?_"

"Yep!" Swanky looked proud.

"Pff." Sebastian scoffed, "Nice going with _that_ train wreck." Sebastian turned and kept sweeping, laughing the whole way.

"Chip, I'm taking a break." Sean sneered, getting up and walking away. Chip just shrugged, fine by him.

* * *

><p>Sebastian helped Alois to bed. Taking his day clothes off and the nightshirt on.<p>

Alois giggled, "You look great in your uniform."

Sebastian remained silent, but he did tie the string around the neck _a little_ tighter.

"And just think, I'll have a whole new list for you _tommorow!_" Alois fell back on the bed in a fit of laughter.

"Wonderful young mas-" The pillow connected with the butler-er-maid's face.

"Call me Your Highness." Alois demanded.

Sebastian sighed, "Yes your highness."

"Goodie!" Alois laughed. "Now, stay with me until I fall asleep."

"But I still-"

"SEBBY!" Alois cried.

"Yes your highness!" Sebastian cried in desperation, running to the bed and sitting on the side.

"Good Sebby." Alois smiled, closing his eyes and falling asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>A long ways away, (Phantomhiove manor!)<strong>

**Ciel, Claude, Bard, Meyrin, and Finny sat on a dark blue plush couch with Soma and Agni watching a big black TV on the floor.**

**Ciel had been sipping tea, but spit it all out when Sebastian walked out in the maid's outfit.**

**"SPPPPT!"**

**"Your highness!" Claude wiped his glasses clean of tea, "Please refrain from-"**

**"Shutup! What the hell is he wearing?" Ciel cried.**

**"Well it really fits his err... personality." Bard grinned.**

**Finny and Meyrin just remained silent.**

**But all of them besides Claude and Ciel burst out laughing when Sebastian face-planted the wall trying to run.**

**"Thank you and Good night my loyal viewers!" Sean smiled when it ended, "And now that you've seen both our Butlers, you can vote (a.n. REVIEW) who you think should win! And what the young masters could do to TORTURE-er-mess with our two favorite butlers." Sean smiled.**

**"Finny!" Ciel cried, "Go get the computer!"**

**"You know Agni, this is alot better than the last show he was on."**

**"Yeah, and I can enjoy curry without wincing at the memory of the burn scars." Agni smiled.**


	4. Episode 3: The Odd Man There

**Haha, here you go fellow Kuro fans! Prince Soma finally makes an apearance! I absolutely love this guy, cant get enough of him!**

**Remember, i have a poll on my profile! I dont really have a plan on who will win (just on what ima do to them) so it is actually all up in the air :)**

**I also take requests for what you people would like me to do to our favorite (if you can call Claude a favorite ((i dont like him, but you might))) butlers!**

**Either way, REVIEW!**

**Episode 3: Claude!**

Ciel whisteled a mindless tune while he went through the newest reports.

Claude suddenely opened the door, walking fast with a silver tray in one hand holding something.

It was a small, white envelope with a wax seal. Ciel's eyes lit up in a short lived interest that died as he read the letter. Then he groaned.

"What is it your highness?" Claude asked.

"The Queen- STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Ciel took the tray and threw it at Claude, conecting with his forehead. the demon didn't move though.

"The Queen?"

"The Queen asks me to invesigate a cult in london that's been kidnapping young boys."

"And the problem?"

"It's in London." Ciel collapsed on his desk, burying his head into the wood.

"Okay?" Claude picked up the tray.

"Be ready to leave in five minutes." Ciel called.

Claude rolled his eyes. So Sebastian plays detective too?

* * *

><p>Claude sat across the young Earl in the carriage as they rode through london's streets.<p>

"Where are we going?" He finally asked.

"To the town house." Ciel said, not looking up from the letter.

Claude couldn't help but notice the small, obvious shudder that passed through Ciel.

* * *

><p>"CIEL!" Soma screamed when he saw his little brother. He ran down the steps of the house and began running toward the enterance to the carraige. Ciel stood helpless as Soma attacked him and ended up carrying him as Agni dragged his prince back into the town house by his shirt. Claude followed behind confused while Soma continued to slather Ciel with unwanted affection.<p>

"Knock it off!" Ciel cried when they were inside. He began struggling even more against the crazy indian prince.

"That will be quite enough." Claude stated, grabbing Soma and dumping him in a heap on the ground. He picked Ciel up and dusted him off before turning back to the two indians.

"Hands off my master."

"Little brother! What's this scary man doing?" Soma cried while Agni stood over him possesively.

"What happened to Mr. Sebastian?" Agni asked, pulling the prince from the ground.

"He's away for awhile. Meet Claude." Ciel said simply as he walked up the stairs. Claude followed closesly behind.

"I do not like him Agni." Soma pouted when the other two had disapeared from view.

Agni nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>Claude placed the tea cup daintly infront of Ciel. Standing straight and waiting for the next assignment.<p>

Sean stood outside the cracked door with the cameraman, Soma, and Agni. All four were watching intensly, well, the three plus Bob's camera which he'd attached to a tripod. He was currently playing Angry Birds on his phone.

"What horrid things must this... Claude done to get to my little brother?" Agni asked.

"Oh, if only you knew." Sean giggled thinking back to those hours watching his computer.

Agni and Soma only stared, not that our... odd host managed to notice.

Claude suddenely opened the door with a swish.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Nothing." Soma said smally.

"Good. Then get in here." Claude grabbed Soma's wrist, digging his demonic claws into his wrist.

"Ow!" Soma cried as he was dragged inside the room.

"SOMA NO!" Agni cried, diving for teh door in slow motion. Unfortunatly, the door was moving in real time. So all he did was face-plant into the oak door.

Claude placed Soma in the center of the room, karate chopping him in the back to try and get him to stand straight. There was nothing he could do for the trembling of fear however.

"Little Brother!" Soma screamed, running behind Ciel's office chair, "Your new butler scares me worse than your old one!"

"Good. Maybe you'll learn the concept of distance." Ciel said casually, sipping the tea. "Anyway, You've been living in the town house right?"

"Yes." Soma said, trying to press himself closer to the chair as Claude creeped forward.

"And you go into town?"

"Alot actually." Soma reported, now that he thought about it.

"Perfect." Ciel sipped, "Then have you noticed the strange incidents happening in London. Or atleast heard of them?"

"Oh yes. Agni was concerned when he learned you were coming. But I knew you'd be safe. You have me-"

"Yes, I suppose Claude's good in a fight." Ciel interrupted, only thinking of how Claude had lost to Sebastian. Ciel was sure Sebastian was the better fighter. "Anyway, have you seen anything suspicious?"

"Oh no... wait! Yes!" Soma jumped up and down, "There's a man outside one of those public drinking places! He just stands there with a bowl of candies that he hands to children when they pass by with their mothers! Agni had to drag me away when he wouldn't give me one! Then I got a lecture on how to act in public. I only allowed him to finish because I needed the nap!"

Ciel stared at Soma for a long time, then coughed before turning to his papers, "Well, we have a lead then. Thank you Soma. You can leave now."

Claude stood by the door, holding it open.

Soma stared fearfully at the door. Then turned and opened the window.

"What are you doing?" Ciel shouted.

"I can climb! I can't however, face that odd man!" Soma shouted, climbing up and out of sight. Ciel sat in the chair, waiting to hear the prince lose his grip and plummet to the earth below. However, all he heard was a shout from above, Soma calling Agni to come retrieve him.

_"Darn! He made it!'_Ciel thought, turning to the Queen's letter.

It was getting dark out, soon he'd have Claude prepare him for bed.

Ciel got a wicked smile.

* * *

><p>"AHH! AGNI! HELP ME! HE'S COMING CLOSER!" Soma wailed as Claude climbed slowly up the side of the house. Ciel had ordered him to climb up like a human, which meant he had to allow for mistakes, fatal or otherwise. And he had to make sounds. Grunts, scrapes against the paneling, the whole thing.<p>

Soma had begun screaming for Agni, who was standing beside the open window with Ciel who had told him Claude only wanted to help Soma get past his fears.

"But my prince cant handle this amount of stress! Ciel, he'll contract a heart attack in no time!"

"Good." Ciel muttered under his breath, rereading the Queen's letter for the thirtyth time.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile, at the Trancy manor!<strong>

Sebastian sat next to Hanna in full uniform (the maid uniform, mwa haha) and nibbeled at the popcorn. Any desire to eat had dried up when Sebastian noticed Alois staring at him out of the corner of his eye. Not really watching the show, just staring.

The triplets sat around the two maids, making a semicircle infront of them. They sat whispering to eachother.

Then they elbowed Sebastian.

"What'll happen when the Master finds out about Grell?" Thompson asked. The other two on either side of him looked at him quzzically.

Sebastian nearly gagged out the popcorn he'd forced down!

**Next Episode:**

**Alois sat at the garden table, feet on the glass surface, sipping the fresh pink lemonade.**

**Sean and his cameraman waltzed into the garden, the cameraman making sure to get a shot of Sebastian working in his maid's uniform.**

**"Sebastian are you done yet?" Alois whined.**

**"No."**

**"I don't like your tone."**

**"Oh well."**

**"That's it! Get over here!" Alois shot up, heeled boots firmly on the ground.**

**"Ooh! What's he gonna make him do I wonder!" Sean announced to the camera.**

**"It's a special routine we worked out last night!" Alois cheered as Sebastian began.**


End file.
